Wow, October already. I can’t believe how this year has flown by. In a way, that’s both good and bad thing. I love the fall and am so excited for crisp weather, colourful tights, the state fair and caramel apple cider. But, I had hoped that by this time, I would be feeling better. I thought I’d have the use of my left hand back (incidentally, typing with one hand is super, ridiculously slow), that I wouldn’t walk with the speed (and grace) of an unsteady toddler, that I would feel more healthy scalp than psoriasis. Not so.
At my last doctor’s appointment, we increased my dose of MTX, so now I’m wading through the delightful oral ulcers and a tongue that feels like someone took a razer to it, which are finally, hopefully subsiding. And, after a couple of weeks of feeling yucky, I’m back on the Plaquenil (or rather, the generic hydroychloroquine) in the hopes some triple therapy (in my case methotrexate, hydroxychroloquine and sulfasalazine) will give me some relief.
At work, I’m dealing with a formerly nice gentleman who has turned into a bit of a bully because he doesn’t like something I wrote. It’s actually been quite stressful receiving multiple e-mails a day over the last week saying what a bad person I am. And I was OK with it all until the most recent e-mail, which was just hateful. It’s all the more surprising because I really don’t understand where it all is coming from and the person in question doesn’t seem too willing to explain.
So, I’m having a bit of a hard time reaching for my positive attitude. Or maybe I am reaching for it, but it’s just not there. I just feel worn out and beat down—an attitude at odds with the ridiculously beautiful, sunny day, which is all the more welcome after nearly a week of rain. Maybe I just need a hug or to snuggle with my dog or to receive a few e-mails a day over the course of a week saying what an awesome person I am. Regardless, I think I’m going to go for a walk outside and try to gain some perspective. And maybe a caramel apple cider.
UPDATED TO ADD: For all those people who have ended up here by typing in the song lyrics in the title (sorry!), it’s “Broken Horse” by the Freelance Whales.