pull out some hope for me

Yesterday, my body punished me.

I had a conference to go to Wednesday, about an hour away from my house. I didn’t think it would be a big deal, to sit in my car for two hours. Since it was mostly on country roads, I did have to shift a little more than usual (I drive a manual, which let me tell you is super fun when you’ve got tendonitis in one hand and can’t use it), but it was nothing extraordinary. I figured I would be just fine.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

Yesterday was definitely a bad pain day. Everything hurt. Everything. It was one of those days that made it hard to be positive, that made me tremble at the audacity
of making plans for the future that included anything more than huddling on the couch in my pajamas, eating comfort food and watching any TV show or movie that didn’t ask me to think about what I was seeing.

I don’t know what about Wednesday knocked me so hard on my ass or why it was so very difficult to just push through. I spent the day yesterday on the verge of tears, counting down the seconds until I could come home. It was bad enough that I popped a Darvocet before I went to bed, hoping it would at least let me muddle through today with a little more grace.

Today, I wouldn’t say I feel wonderful, but compared to the grumpy, crotchety old lady I was yesterday, I am feeling pretty OK. Sure, I feel a little bit loopy and on the verge of nauseated from the pain pill, but today I can participate in my own life, again. I can finish putting up Halloween decorations, clean my apartment, type up a story (one-handed, but still faster than the average bear). I could walk down to my local coffee shop and get a delicious iced latte. I can dream about the future. And if I have to feel vaguely unsettled, well, that’s a worthwhile trade-off.

I was reading through the archives on Lindsay’s blog and she said something to the effect of, “Chronic illness can only take from you what you let it.” Well, amen, girl. I’m not going to let it take anything else. That and another verse sent to my inbox the other day just changed my perspective right around.

God will let you laugh again; you’ll raise the roof with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

4 thoughts on “pull out some hope for me

  1. Those days are just so hard! And I know exactly what you mean about watching low-demand TV and movies – on days like that, I can’t follow anything with a plot that’s even slightly complex. Same goes for books, which frustrates me because I’m a BIG reader.

    Here’s hoping you keep feeling better and better!

    • Thanks! Sometimes the mister doesn’t get it when I’m not up for say “Lost” or the Allan Gurganus book I’m in the middle of, but I’m definitely with you there. LOVE reading!

  2. Just visiting to do a little bit of catching up here… Thank you so much for sharing this verse – I sooo needed it today! Hope that your week turned around 🙂

  3. Pingback: #HAWMC day 27: quotable « lipstick, perfume and too many pills

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