counting down the days

I am more than ready for my upcoming rheumatologist appointment. So ready, in fact, that I had them move it back three days, from next Thursday to Monday because I wasn’t so sure I could make it the additional 96 hours or so. It’s amazing how quickly things can go from bad to worse; just last week, I was telling the Professor that there’s no point in moving my appointment back, as it wasn’t all that big a difference to push it back by just three days. Oh, how I long to go back to last week, when that was true.

I’m trying to figure out ways I can get across to her just how poorly I’ve been doing and how far I’ve fallen in terms of feeling halfway decent. The Professor is actually coming to this appointment, so I’ve tasked him with making sure I don’t make light of it and pretend everything’s more or less OK. I’m sure that will help. I was doing well for awhile in tracking my symptoms, but lately I’ve been forgetting. (Thanks, brain fog!)

I guess I’ve got a lot riding on this appointment. I’m not really sure where we’re going to go from here. I’ve tried most of the biologics out there, and the ones I haven’t tried are so brand new that I’m not so sure I want to be a guinea pig for them. My pops wants me to try Celebrex, which he’s apparently taking for lower back pain and is convinced it’s a panacea that will make everything better for me. I told him I’d bring it up with my rheumatologist, so I guess that’s one potential new avenue for me.

I just want to feel better. I’m not even shooting for great at the moment; I’d settle for simply not as bad as I’m doing right now. Once we clear this hurdle, though, I’m going to be gunning for awesome all over again.