On Monday, I discovered just how essential Enbrel is to my well-being.
Despite the fact that my mail order pharmacy has had the prescription for about two or three weeks now, they still haven’t gotten my order straight, and I’m still not set up for home delivery of it yet. That presented a problem Monday, when I missed a dose. Actually, my body thought I missed it Sunday, since I’d had to take my shot a day early the week before, while we were traveling. After being without it for one day—one measly day—I could feel my pain coming back. But, I thought it was no big deal; surely, I thought, the pre-authorization needed to get Enbrel had gone through my insurance company by then. I would just call up, get them to authorize the one-time courtesy refill I’m always hearing so much about and I would be OK until the mail order pharmacy thing got straightened out.
The reason the mail order pharmacy hadn’t contacted me for delivery was that they hadn’t received the pre-authorization from my insurance company. There was no real reason for that as far as I can tell when I phoned the insurance company to find out what the frig was going on. It’s just taking awhile, they said.
Well, that’s all well and good, but I needed my shot. I won’t lie: I was terrified Monday night, terrified of the idea of going back to how I felt a month ago. I didn’t want to go back to being in constant pain, so exhausted that I was pretty useless to everyone around me. I lay in bed crying that night, begging God to give me the strength to get through this. I can remember only a couple of other times I was as scared.
Luckily, my rheumatology team is incredible. My NP let me have three additional samples—that’s on top of the three she’d already given me—and the Professor picked them up from me, since he was still on winter break from school. I took it, and all was well again.
But it was a brutal reminder that even though I’m feeling better—well enough, in fact, that I wore heels twice this week—my psoriatic arthritis isn’t gone; it’s just hibernating. Eventually, one or more of the drugs will stop working, and I need to come to terms with that (again). I am grateful for the time I have feeling well or even better than bad. And I am strong enough to get through the times when I feel terrible (again).